Becca-Louise, 15 years old

I was so scared and i felt so alone but i realised i had my brother and sister and this big event in our lives made us inseparable.

When i was just 12 years old my mum kept being put in and out of hospital for about a month and at first i didn't realise what was going on until me, my big brother (14) and my little sister (8) walked in from school one day and 2 strangers were sitting in our living room. They told us that my mum had kidney cancer and that she would have to stay in hospital for a while. I didn't know much about what was going on but i knew that my mum wasn't well. Weeks past and the chemotherapy stopped working, my mum got put in a hospice and thats where i saw them 2 strangers again. But this time they told me that my mum was not getting any better and that i should say everything i want her to know before it was late and that she did not have much time here left with me! As time went past i couldn't cope and i couldn't stand seeing er like that, she didn't look like my mum and she didn't act like her. I was so scared and i felt so alone but i realised i had my brother and sister and this big event in our lives made us inseparable. Soon the nurses had to put my mum to sleep but my mum refused, i didn't want to see her in pain but she didn't want to be asleep when she died, she wanted to be here with ME but i knew the right thing to do was say my goodbyes and tell her i loved her then let them give her the injection. I sat at her bedside every minute of the day, i still spoke to her because the nurses told me that she could still hear me even though she could not reply, she was always a good listener. Then my worst nightmare came true, my mum had died and left me all on my own, it felt like a thousand stabbing knives going straight through my heart and i didn't think i could go on without her. But then my brother came alone and kept me strong plus i had to be strong for my little sister. It still really hurts now but i know she is always watching over me, her spirit will live on forever and she will live on in me. The one most important thing that I have learnt is that you don't realise what you've got till its gone!

Page updated 18 July 2012