Daisy - 15 years old

My story isn't one that has ended yet and who's to say that it will.

My dad was ill for a month or so, he was tired all the time and not him usual self which was weird when someone is such a big, bubbly person and then their personality stops filling the room. My parents went to the doctors thinking it was depression, or something small, only to find out that he had had pancreatic cancer and that it had spread to the liver. All this time I had thought it was just them overreacting so I felt guilty for that. When they told me and my brother(who is 10) I don't think the reality of it set in- it still hasn't now and perhaps it never will but I don't think i can imagine life without my dad.

It's weird though because my family and I haven't really been getting along for the past few years but he has always been and still is someone you want to be around at his best because he's so funny and charismatic. I have always looked up to him in that sense so it's hard for me to get a grip on the fact that he may not be around for much longer; no one knows and it's that uncertainty and the fact that you are helpless that hurts the most because everyone desperately wants to help those who they love and no one wants to feel like there's nothing they can do. As sad as it is, I think I have already accepted defeat on that one so all we can do is to make the most of the time we have left but it's hard, so hard; I cant even imagine what it is like for him.

My mum is someone who I am used to seeing strong and, to be honest with you, I always thought she was cold and we have never really gotten along, but now, sometimes, I am seeing her in a different light. I know how hard it is going to be for everyone around me. He is her soulmate. So I feel that I need to be strong if not for my own sake, but for everyone elses and that is what I am going to do. Be strong.

However, it isn't all sad and miserable and you shouldn't focus on those things. Surely it's the happy things you want to document and stay with you? For example, today my mum and dad went to the hospital for a checkup and my dad came downstairs in a suit.
'Why?' I asked him.

'Because I refuse to go in looking like an ill person.' he simply said back. And it's at times like these when I know how much fight he has in him. I know it's never going to be a happily ever after because life isn't a fairytale but who's to say the time we have left can't be full of happiness? Yes, there are going to be times when it feels like my world has been turned upside down simply because it has. But there will also be times full of joy, I'm going to make sure of it. My story isn't one that has ended yet and who's to say it will.

Page updated 4 August 2017