DD, Aged 17

    When people would talk they didn't know what to say which was understandable.  more...


    Mimi - 15 years old

    I lost myself doing stupid things, angry and sad and depressed at everything. I ended up failing my classes, not caring about school, and getting into fights.  more...


    Chelsea - 14 years old

    I stuck my head round the door in the room mum was in, and she looked really ill. I couldn't understand what was happening - one minute my mum was fine and the next she was ill.  more...


    Clair - aged 14

    Something I wish is I could just have one more day with my dad! - to tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for all the bad things I have said and done to him!  more...


    Nicole - 17 years old

    This time the doctors are unable to operate. He has already had 6 sessions of chemo and is having another 6 sessions. I cannot help feeling I may lose him.  more...


    Rirrif - 15 years old

    I have been staying with my dad because my mom doesn't want me around when she is sick, which is all the time. My dad works at night so I spend a lot of time alone since I'm not with my mom. I'm afraid she is going to die and I'll blame myself for not being there more. more...


    HT - 13 years old

    She has been so strong about this and is keen to put it all behind her.  more...

Nicky - 15 years old

I haven't told any of my friends what I am going through. I don't want them to treat me differently. I just wish it will all stop. I'm tired and I want my family back.

When I was three I met my step-dad. He moved in with me and my mother a couple of years later. I had my life to grow up with my mother. She was everything for me. Whenever people spoke about her it was with awe or laughter. She was the centre of all attention and I looked up to her. The only thing was she didn't allow me to meet or find out about my biological father. Although I am very attached to my step-dad and I can think of no-one else to fill his shoes, I felt a part of me missing.

When I was 11, I started my secondary school, when my mother was diagnosed with Colon cancer. I was terrified. What if she died? She was my everything. I also had problems with school. I never stick to a group of people, I had my mother's knack of getting along with everyone, but I felt so alone. For the next four years my mother was fine, although she developed liver cancer. She battled through. She was still cracking jokes, having fun, embarrassing me. Only a few friends have met my mum, and they all laugh and speak about how funny she is. No-one knew what I was going through. I denied completely that anything was wrong even when she received lung cancer. My school work suffered because I couldn't concentrate. It was only the beginning of my GCSE course, it did all go wrong.

When I had to go back to school in september, my mother remained in our holiday house, wanting to rest after an exhausting six months in treatment in China. She was expected a couple of days before my birthday. One day I received a call, saying my mother collapsed and was now in hospital. During the holiday she had trouble walking, they found out that she had Brain cancer. My birthday felt gritty, I was missing my mum madly and my step-dad was in a state.

Now it's a question of time. During lessons I'm scared when the interschool phone rings in case they tell me she died. She's become angry, remorse, frustrated. She's not my mother anymore. My mother has obviously died a while ago. I can't concentrate at school, my behaviour has become totally irrational and I have developed insomnia. I haven't told any of my friends what I am going through. I don't want them to treat me differently. I just wish it will all stop. I want my mother to be there for my sixteenth. I worry that if my step-dad remarried I'd feel out of place.

I feel like I'm driving into a wall at 180mph and having to do it all over again. Especially because I have to act as my mother's nurse, when the marie curie nurses leave and my dad's due home. It's getting better now with less duties. However, I feel pressured by my step-dad to act older than I am. He's changed too, he's not lively anymore but angry at me whenever I do something 'wrong'. I am only 15 but I feel like I've had to mature 7 years before everyone else. I'm forced to smile and laugh everyday. I'm tired and I want my family back.

Page updated 18 July 2012