Nicole - 17 years old

This time the doctors are unable to operate. He has already had 6 sessions of chemo and is having another 6 sessions. I cannot help feeling I may lose him.

In 2009 my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. When my parents sat me and my 3 brothers down to tell us I burst into tears. My dad is the one who I tell everything to, I can talk to him about anything without him being judgemental. Whenever I wanna mess around I go to him, he's my world although him and my mum are still together it's always him I talk to.

In April of 2009 he had keyhole surgery to remove the cancer. After the surgery he had 6 sessions of chemo. After he had finished his treatment he was given the all clear and we as a family couldn't be happier. It also got rid of my worries I may lose him.

However this was all shattered as three years down the line he went for a routine scan where they found shadows on his liver which came back cancerous. My heart broke into a million pieces for a second time. This time the doctors are unable to operate. He has already had 6 sessions of chemo and is having another 6 sessions. I cannot help feeling I may lose him. I don't feel I can't talk to my mum as she is suffering enough and is trying to support my dad. It just seems to be never ending and I don't have any friends who have been through or going through what I am so feel alone and have no one to talk to. My boyfriend is understanding but I feel like its a family issue and don't like talking about it to him as it gets me upset so I try to be this happy smiley girl that's everyone knows. My 3 brothers don't talk about it either my little brother who's 15 doesn't quite understand what's going on and my older brother who's 21 is always out.

I feel so alone at times that I sit in my room and listen to music. I feel as if I'm going to lose my dad ad if that happens I won't be able to go on. He makes me proud everyday he haven't taken a day off work throughout all of this and he always has a smile in his face but I know deep down he's hurting as he has a constant reminder he's ill as he has a Hickman line in his chest.

I'm just afraid of losing my dad as I have never lost a close family member before and don't know if I will be able to cope with the pain.

Page updated 20 September 2013