Starlight princess - 15 years old

That Monday was the first day after the Easter holidays and it was really hard. Everyone was like how was your hols and I was torn between saying awful and lying.

It started a few years ago when my mum had a lump in her breasts. They did loads of tests but my mum eventually got the all clear it wasn't cancer. I was 13 and I was so relieved to know she was going to be ok.

Then this Easter my mum went into hospital again. This time it was because her stomach had swelled up and she looked pregnant, she was in a lot of pain. I was left with my unreliable and lazy big brother and my little sister. Over the next few days grandparents came and my dad got a little time off work. I could see there was something I wasn't being told but I didn't know what. I asked my dad what was happening and my mum but it felt like when I asked the subject was being avoided. This made me really mad and I started to try and force it out.

Eventually I got told there were 3 lumps and she was coming home for a week and then having them out on the Monday. That Monday was the first day after the Easter holidays and it was really hard. Everyone was like how was your hols and I was torn between saying awful and lying. I told some people my mum was ill and not others. I also told one of my teachers because I knew I needed the support.

A week after the Wednesday after the op the biopsy results came through. My mum was in the kitchen next to my brother and he was crying. I came in and started saying "why is (brother's name) crying??" and I kept repeating it, all the time the fear was building up inside me. I wanted to scream it but I couldn't scream and cry at the same time. My dad asked me and my sister to sit down and he explained my mum had ovarian cancer.

Today is the second day since I was told. I am always so angry and constantly want to cry but most the time I can't. People are trying to be so understanding and two of my friends made a card saying "we love you". I just want to make it all unreal. It feels like I am watching someone else, its not me and it feels like I am detached from the world. I now have to prepare for the chemotherapy and my mum is going to loose all her hair. I have also been told she will be really ill.

It's amazing how much like a little child I feel when I am acting so much older than I am. This site has really helped and reading others stories assured me I'm not alone. If my story can do that for anyone else then it will make sharing my story all worthwhile.

Page updated 27 April 2007