Started : 20.11.2016 by W
So today I found out that my dad has 'incurable' secondary lung cancer, originally from the kidney. He had an operation in the summer to remove the kidney and as far as I was aware until now all was going well and improving. The worst bit is I only found out through overhearing him on the phone to somebody. I'm 18 going through my second year at college so I'm pretty stressed out anyway but this is just another level I've never felt so angry and upset. Although I'm really close with my parents I don't really want to ask about it because I don't want to upset myself or them more than it already does :( I remember asking my mum after he'd been to see the consultant if there was any news and she kinda just changed the subject, I guess because they don't want me to worry. I have a younger sister who also doesn't know and I don't know whether to tell her? I don't really know what to do from here. My parents don't know that I know and I feel it should be that way if they don't want to tell me. Does incurable mean terminal and how long can it be prolonged for by treatment? Should I tell anyone? Any advice and support would be greatly appreciated
Hi, my name is Hilde and I’m part of the riprap team. This sounds like an extremely difficult situation. Not only have you learnt that your dad has an incurable illness but you’re also not supposed to know and thereby you can’t immediately talk about it openly…
I assume that you have posted in the riprap forum to get support and advice from other young people and I hope that others in the forum will reply to your message. However, your situation sounds particularly difficult and you clearly have questions that may also be good to discuss with us in the riprap team. You are very welcome to ‘talk’ to us more privately using the ‘get in touch’ form on the riprap website. Also, as you're 18 years old, you can access adult support services so you could get help and support from the organisation we're attached to which is called Maggie's Centres. They provide practical and psychological support for anyone affected by cancer. Maggie's Online Centre is the 'online' equivalent of a physical Maggie's Centre, and you can message cancer support specialists there for one to one support or alternative get advice on other places for support locally where you live.
We hope to hear from you again, Warm wishes Hilde
I am in the exact same situation currently, in decmeber 2014 my dad had his kidney removed and they believed that was it but in febuary of this year he had his half yearly scans to which it was discovered he has incurable cancer dotted around his lungs and near his heart so it is impossible to operate, i do really understand how difficult it is for both you and your family.
Hey, My family is in a similar place. I am also in my second year of college and working through my dad's diagnosis. I understand how difficult it must be for you. You aren't alone in this. <3 I am sending my thoughts to you.
Hey, thanks for both the replies, everything has sunk in a little bit now. I'm sure you both have very similar feelings to me and I send my best wishes to both of you. It's so reassuring to hear from people going through a similar situation and that you aren't alone.
My dad has a aggressive type of cancer that spread from his tonsils to his neck where all his nerves are. One of the ways I am dealing with it is to always know that difficult paths lead to brighter places.