I feel helpless and don't know what to say

When my mum said she had Brest cancer I felt like my world would fall. But we got throught it somehow. But now my mum has no hair and is getting to the end of her kemo she keep getting upset and had a break down last week I feel helpless and don't know what to say to help!

Hello

My name is Robyn I am one of the team here at Riprap. I am a cancer nurse and have looked after lots of people who have had cancer .

It sounds as if you have been a fantastic support to your mum through her treatment even though it has been hard and I imagine you have both been looking forward to it finishing and wanting things to go back to normal. You write that your mum had a breakdown last week - does anyone other than you know ? a family friend/relative perhaps?

Many people who have treatment for cancer find that as they get near the end of treatment ,or shortly after it finishes, that they get very emotional – upset or down or sometimes angry ( even when they don’t want to be ) and don’t seem like themselves ,when they have coped well all through treatment and have been looking forward to it finishing….

This can make them and the people round them feel lost and helpless…. This is normal – it’s like everything that has happened has been stored up inside since getting cancer and then comes out all mixed up. When something big like a cancer diagnosis has happened it can be difficult to remember what “normal “ is and to be able to just pick things up again and it may take you both a while to feel confident doing normal things..

It sounds as if you have become used to looking after your mum and that you are a very caring person I am sure your mum knows that you are there for her, sometimes words are hard to find – a hug or just being there when you can, a cup of tea or a little note saying you love her will say many thousands of words.

As your mum has lost her hair I guess she also doesn’t look like mum just now ( to you or to her).  There are some free workshops specially for women having treatment for cancer where she can have a makeover and talk with others who are also having treatment and find out more about support available.

I am wondering if you have been able to talk through how you have been feeling with anyone? As with your mum it can help to connect with others who have been there  -  reading through some of the other stories on Riprap will help you to feel you are not alone.

If you reply to the email I sent you and let me know what area you live in I can let you know more about the makeup sessions and about some support available for both you and your mum from Riprap, Maggie’s ( who we work closely with) and other organisations. I only work Monday –Friday 9-5pm so if you reply over the weekend I will reply on Monday I hope this is helpful and that you will be in touch so we can talk some more
Robyn