Mimi - 15 years old

I lost myself doing stupid things, angry and sad and depressed at everything. I ended up failing my classes, not caring about school, and getting into fights.

My mom got diagnosed with APLASTIC ANAEMIA when i was about eight years old, three months ago doctors now tell me its a rare cancer called MDS that she really has. I was gone for three weeks on a winter break and when i come back i was sat down and was told: Your mom has cancer. It was a brick to the face and it killed me.

Since, I’ve felt buried and alone, angry and sad, i have a bundle of emotions i have never had before dwelling within me now. She was in the hospital for two months, in that time i had no one who understood. I took to self-mutilation because i couldnt handle knowing my mom was in pain and i was so numb. I miss those days as a little girl, when everything was perfect and filled with endless wonder and happiness. I miss my mother, and her warm touch and everything that made me happy.

I lost myself doing stupid things, angry and sad and depressed at everything. I ended up failing my classes, not caring about school, and getting into fights.

It took me a whole semester to raise my grades and it took even more work to put on a smile for my family. Often i dont know what im really doing. But i keep taking one step at a time. I feel broken, and i always wonder why was it her? But i keep thinking things will get better. I hope so at least because i need it too. I need to have hope but so often i lose it. I miss everything and just want my happiness and mother back. She’s so cool to the touch, and frailer than i ever imagined. I’m waiting for tomorrow to come all the time so i escape from today. Thats all I’m doing, looking forward to tomorrow, because maybe everything will change for me.

 

Page updated 20 May 2013