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    DD, Aged 17

    When people would talk they didn't know what to say which was understandable.  more...


    Mimi - 15 years old

    I lost myself doing stupid things, angry and sad and depressed at everything. I ended up failing my classes, not caring about school, and getting into fights.  more...


    Chelsea - 14 years old

    I stuck my head round the door in the room mum was in, and she looked really ill. I couldn't understand what was happening - one minute my mum was fine and the next she was ill.  more...


    Clair - aged 14

    Something I wish is I could just have one more day with my dad! - to tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for all the bad things I have said and done to him!  more...


    Nicole - 17 years old

    This time the doctors are unable to operate. He has already had 6 sessions of chemo and is having another 6 sessions. I cannot help feeling I may lose him.  more...


    Rirrif - 15 years old

    I have been staying with my dad because my mom doesn't want me around when she is sick, which is all the time. My dad works at night so I spend a lot of time alone since I'm not with my mom. I'm afraid she is going to die and I'll blame myself for not being there more. more...


    HT - 13 years old

    She has been so strong about this and is keen to put it all behind her.  more...

I keep pushing people away keeping my emotions inside

My mums been diagnosed with cervical cancer and i keep pushing people away keeping my emotions inside not talking to anyone. I've not been to school because i dont want to be around people. I really dont know what to do

Hello, my name is Hilde and I’m one of the riprap team. I’m sorry to hear that your mum has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I imagine that this has come as a huge shock to you as we never expect something like that to happen to our parents. It is completely normal to react the way you do, by pushing people away and not wanting to talk about it. Talking about it somehow makes it more real – and of course you don’t want it to be real.

But it’s still there on your mind all the time and I think it will just build up even more if you continue to bottle up your emotions. I can understand that it’s frightening and you’re naturally worried about what’s going to happen to your mum. But even if you find it hard to talk to other people, I would advise you to talk to your mum about how you feel. Very often we feel a lot better if we know more about what’s going on and what is likely to happen, for instance with treatment. If we don’t have facts about things it’s very easy to start imagining things that are not true and may never happen.

Many in your situation find it difficult to talk to their parent – often because they worry that talking about it will make them upset and if they become upset, that it will also make their parent upset. And they want to stay strong for their parent and not show them how difficult they find it. I don’t know if that’s how it is for you, but we find that it is usually better to share worries than carrying everything inside and not talking about it. Even if talking can’t necessarily change a situation, it can be such a relief to get things off our chest. And also talking about it can make you better informed, clarify possible misunderstandings and make it possible for you to support each other. Usually, the best way to stay strong is to vent our emotions so that they don’t become so overwhelming… Your mum will naturally be worried about you and pretending that you’re coping fine will deny you much needed support.

That is also the case with friends and you say that you’ve stayed off school so that you didn’t have to be around people. That may be useful if the news about your mum is very new and you felt you needed time to take it all in. But I’m sure your friends would like to support you if you let them know how to and perhaps you could start by telling your best friend what’s going on…?

You may also find it helpful to talk to other young people who are in similar situations to you so have a look at the riprap forum. Reading other people’s stories may also be helpful in making you feel that you’re not alone. Also, if you have any questions or just want to talk things through with us please get back in touch anytime and we’ll be happy to help. Warm wishes, Hilde