If your parent is very ill

When someone is very ill and the cancer cannot be cured, we often call it 'advanced cancer'.

It can be that the cancer has spread from where it started or that the treatment has not managed to get rid of all the cancer cells or even to keep them under control at the place it started. Sometimes, if the cancer has been discovered late - after it has been in the body for a long while - the cancer can be hard to treat and your parent might be very ill even if it has just been discovered.

Many cancers that are advanced can still be treated in some way. Sometimes though, advanced cancer cannot be treated and you might be told that your parent will never get well again. If this is the situation with your parent, it is likely that they will give some treatment to help your parent feel better and maybe live longer. We often call this kind of treatment ‘palliative care’ or ‘palliative treatment’. The types of treatment given will depend on the type of cancer and where in the body it is. It also depends on the kind of problems that your parent has in relation to the illness.

If your parent's cancer is advanced, it can leave you feeling very scared. Admitting that you are scared is good as your parent and the whole family will probably be feeling the same way. Usually it feels better to share ones feelings and it keeps everybody from feeling alone. It is also very common to get angry in this situation and this is a natural reaction when you feel that your life is falling to pieces and there’s nothing you can do about it. Most likely, your emotions and reactions will keep changing and you may feel that you need to be strong for yourself or your parent. This is very positive, but make sure that you also allow yourself to feel down sometimes and talk about your worries. It can be very exhausting to keep being strong all the time and it can stop you from talking to others about how you really feel when you have days and moments you feel more negative. It is important to remember, not to let the fear of the future win, but to make the most of what you have now.