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    Clair - aged 14

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    Rirrif - 15 years old

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    HT - 13 years old

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My mom's breast cancer

Started : 10.6.2020 by Jane

When i was 14 my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She then went on with chemo therapy and her hair started falling out. it was very scary to see and i don't like dealing with emotions so i did whatever i could to avoid what was happening. She got better somehow and they found no traces of cancer in her body so everything started going back to normal. But earlier this year they found marks on her brain and i dont know the details but she's on chemo again. Her hair fell out again and i feel like we are back at square one. I know I'm selfish but i dont want to live through this again because i dont even know how i made it the first time. Its selfish but i dont like facing emotions or having heart to heart talks i just can't deal with that. And I'm scared and paranoid about every ache or pain in my body. Like i get these terrible pains in my left breast and left arm and it scares me so much even though i know i am probably overreacting. I dont know what to do or how to feel I'm 16 years old how am i supposed to go on with life. And its not just this its everything. Everything is wrong. My family. My friends. My future. I'm scared i wont really be able to live my life as i should be because God knows i haven't lived at all. I'm scared my mom is going to die and I'm afraid I'm losing everyone. I act like i don't care but i care too much and i dont know who to turn to.

1 Comment so far...





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1 - Liz 2/9/2020 @ 23:03

Hi, I’m really happy I found this post. I’m 18 and my mom has terminal ovarian cancer. I was also 14 when she was diagnosed, and just like you, I have no idea how I made it through the first few rounds of heavy chemo. Now that she declined, I feel even more hopeless. I can’t stop thinking about how I won’t have a mom for much longer. My best friend is going to leave me. I’ve been coping horribly, and honestly I’m not even sure how I’m going to survive after she passes. I’ve been thinking about mental institutions because I’m worried I’ll do something really bad to myself when it happens. Anyway, I know this is all really morbid but I wanted you to know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to be selfish, it’s okay to miss being selfish. Our childhood ended earlier than most teenagers. You can grieve that. PS. I went through a hypochondriac phase too after my mom was diagnosed. Had all the symptoms my mom had - irregular periods, gastro issues etc. Turns out it was just anxiety. Had another phase when I was 16 where I also had chest pains. I was convinced I had heart disease. Turned out that was also anxiety. Your brain is in overdrive right now. You’re going to be okay.