Lucy - 14 years old

I have nightmares basically every night, I´ve started self-harming because I don't know how to deal with it, I feel like I cant trust anyone and to be honest I just want to end my life, there´s not point anymore.

Just over a year ago my nana got diagnosed with lung cancer. It tore the family up, watching her go through pain with the treatment and stuff. It was a painful time in all our lives. Me and my nana were like best friends we were so close from the day I was born. Well after a while the cancer started to shrink and all was well. For 7 months or so.

Then we got told that the cancer had spread to her liver, and it couldn't be treated; that's when things got bad. 2 days before Christmas last year she had a bad turn, she couldn't talk or open her eyes she was in so much pain she was admitted to hospital. She was allowed out for the day on Christmas and we made it big and special, she was so happy. But then she decided she wanted to go home, she didn't have long left to live and she wanted to die at home surrounded by family, but we all had to watch her suffer, she was always in pain and it was scary watching your family member die.

On the 10th of January she passed away and that's when things got hard. I have nightmares basically every night, I’ve started self-harming because I don't know how to deal with it, I feel like I cant trust anyone and to be honest I just want to end my life, there’s not point anymore. Also me and my boyfriend are going through trouble. I get jealous when he mentions how close he is to other girls and im scared in case he goes off with them instead. I don't know how to handle it anymore, its all too much.

 

Page updated 29 January 2014