Zof - 19 years old

For all of my family it has been really hard, for me personally it has been my worst nightmare come true but at the same time I feel blessed that mum is ok and that it hadn't been worse.

It was last year in August (I was 18) when I found out that mum had Breast cancer. We had been to Devon for the summer holidays and knew that when we got back mum would be getting the results of her mammogram and another test she had done for Breast cancer. I was convinced that the doctors would tell her that it was going to be a cyst and that there wouldn't be any problems, but unfortunately that wasn't going to be the case.

My dad had taken my mum to the hospital to find out the results. I was at home on my own at the time I found out as my sister was still on holiday with my cousins (as she decided to stay on in Devon). It was the worst feeling I have ever experience in my life and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I was in complete shock as I was convinced mum and dad were going to tell me that it was just a cyst. I was all over the place and didn't know what to do. Me and my mum had a good cry together when she got back. A couple of weeks later she went in for a lumpectomy to have the tumour removed and luckily the cancer hadn't spread to the surrounding tissue or her lymph nodes, so they managed to remove it all. The bad thing was that the type of cancer she had was one of the most aggressive types so it was vital to start treatment right away.

She had to start chemotherapy shortly after the operation (which she felt terrible through) but when she went for her 5th dose they told her that she wouldn't be allowed anymore as the chemo had damaged the left ventricle in her heart. When I heard that, I was again distraught, I was angry with the doctors for allowing her to get to that stage. So as she was supposed to have radiotherapy after the chemo she started that a few weeks later and now everything is going ok.

For all of my family it has been really hard, for me personally it has been my worst nightmare come true but at the same time I feel blessed that mum is ok and that it hadn't been worse. I treasure the time I have with mum and try to spend as much time as I can with her. From this experience I have experienced depression and have had a breakdown but I try to get on with things and try not to worry too much about what could happen. What's also added to this experience is that a close family friend of ours died of cancer recently and that just made me worry about mum even more. A lot of the time I feel like a nervous wreck.

I know people say that your friends can help you through these types of situations but in my case they haven't and no-one should have to feel alone. This experience has made me look at my life and the people in it and has made me consider who I really want in my life as a friend. I know that can sound harsh but in my experience, a person who I thought was a best friend to me hasn't been there for me at all and now I know that I do not want her in my life anymore. I know there are people in the world who are worse off than me but I do still feel like "why us", "why did this have to happen to my mum"?

Page updated 18 July 2012