Ellsbells - 14 years old

I feel alone and isolated, and it makes me so angry when I think that life is going on normally for some people but not for me. I always think 'why me?' and ;why her?'

My mum has breast cancer. Sometimes I feel like its all my fault, and when I get frustrated and I accidently 'snap' at my mum, I feel so guilty, its horrible. I cant always concentrate at school and recently I've been doing really badly on tests. I feel alone and isolated, and it makes me so angry when I think that life is going on normally for some people but not for me. I always think 'why me?' and ;why her?' I'm always afraid to tell people i'm not close to about my mum, because I know that they wont understand. Even my best friend doesn't understand, although she tries. They think its normal but sometimes I just want to scream.

Sometimes at school or home I feel absolutely fine, and even sometimes I feel like everythings going to be okay. But then other times I want to burst into tears. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into a ball and leave my life, just for a little while, so I can have a break. Then I wouldn't have to do any jobs for my mum, I wouldn't have to worry about anything, I could just be me, and do the things I want. Obviously I don't pretend to be someone else, but sometimes I feel like im betraying myself when im all happy and smiley and funny at school, then I go home and cry
myself to sleep. xxx

 

Page updated 20 May 2013