Evie - 16 years old

Living every day of my life knowing the inevitable is going to happen is soul destroying and exhausting. I try to put on a brave face but thoughts of her and life without her are never far away.

My auntie came into my life when I was 8, when she met my mum's brother. Although we are not blood related our connection and love was so strong I thought nothing would ever come between us. She has always been a close mother figure for me to admire and look up to. She made me feel complete and it's a feeling I cannot describe.

It was 2 years ago, and the day before my auntie's wedding in the summer of 2015, that my parents broke the news to me that she how found a lump and later found out it was indeed breast cancer. At such a young age to be faced with life changing news our whole worlds were shocked to the core.

A string of events and medical errors then unfolded and led to her cancer becoming terminal.

Everything happened and changed so fast I struggled to process my thoughts and emotions and kept everything inside. The thought of unfairness and anger towards the people who cared for her was unbearable and I had numerous breakdowns.

She underwent intense chemotherapy and radiotherapy to try give her as long as possible to live although she was already terminal. This made her extremely ill which was so horrific to see especially when we knew all her pain and suffering would in the end prevent nothing.

By the summer of 2016 she had had her final treatment but not long later she was given a 3 month prognosis. We all prepared ourselves for the worst. Her cancer had spread further to multiple organs.

Now on the summer of 2017 she is somehow miraculously still with us and still fighting every single day. Her death is imminent but has been for months and each day a blessing. Nearly every part of her body is full with cancer and some days completely bead ridden.

Living every day of my life knowing the inevitable is going to happen is soul destroying and exhausting. I try to put on a brave face but thoughts of her and life without her are never far away. At times I feel so lonely, sad and isolated and other time full of anger at the world. I've begun to learn how to express these feelings healthily and how important it is to remember her before she was so ill. I often worry how her 2 children will cope, who although are young adults, still rely on her heavily.

Life without her will never be the same but I know my pain will be eased my knowing she will be out of pain and able to watch over me. I'll be able to remember her by the incredible legacy she will leave behind and I'll grow up with her values guiding me every step of the way. I know how proud she is of how far I have already come in life and I know one day I'll be able to tell her the rest of what I'll do in my life.

Page updated 31 August 2017