Hinna - 13 years old and update 17 years old

I dont want her to worry about me even though im worrying about her so much. Unfortunately her cancer has come back on the other breast and my mum needs to go through chemo and radio again.

Well my mum kept going to the doctors and i was really suspicious. Then my big sister told me my mum had breast cancer grade 4. My life nearly ended, i wanted to die. I prayed all the time, please god not my mum but it like gods test i really love her and i regret being rude to her and chatting back and being stroppy but it happens, I have to overcome it.

She is going to have an operation, then chemo, then radio and hopefully she will be better. Even though I’m really sad and depressed i have to be strong for her. I dont want her to worry about me even though im worrying about her so much. Whoever feels the same dont worry, you’re not on your own and your parents will be ok

Update from Hinna about 4 weeks later:

Well mum went for her oparation to get her lump removed on her chest and i was dead worried all day. Then i had to break the news about mum having cancer to my big brother when he just came back from Pakistan, he was sooooooooooo upset, i was too.

Then the hospital rang because it was only a day case so we were on the way to the hospital to pick her up and then on the way the hospital rang saying she was being sick loads and was weak so they kept her. I was so upset so we got to the day centre and me and my 4 year old brother had to stay in the car while my dad and big brother went to see her. It was hard for my big brother because he had been in Pakistan for 10 weeks and hadnt seen her. Then my little brother was crying in the car so i took him inside. The nurse called my dad so i could see my mum. I went in there and burst out cring, my mum looked very ill. She said dont cry and made some jokes. Then i went home, all night i was thinking of her. Hopefully she will be home soon

Further update to Hinna's story:

My mum is having chemo now and she is looking very ill I want her to get better inshallah (in gods will). I had starting cutting 1 month ago ever since i found out but now I told a teacher at school and I'm getting help. I wouldn't advise anyone to do that because now I know when your parents do get better you will be stuck with horrible scars and will be self conscious, I have a scar I've had from cutting for a year still hasent gone away. Cutting is not the answer, i thought it will take the pain away however it just made everything worse, I kept thinking about her so I haven't cut in 2 weeks and I don't want to break a promise I made, it was I will never cut because my mum wouldn't like it. What I'm trying to say is cutting isn't the answer.

I wish everything would go away, a timeout from life. I don't know sometimes what I would do without my mum, I need her, I love her she is the best thing in life that us teens don't appreciate. I see teens arguing with their mums swearing so much I think how can you say that to your mum, if something happened to her you will regret it so much so please don't be horrible to parents, cherish the time you have with them, they are everything.

Later update from Hinna:

Well its been a long 6 months of chemo-theraphy for my mum. She finally got through it, I never believed it, she had cancer - like why her...? I didn't know what to do through her chemo, there were good times and bad - I guess you think im crazy saying there were some good times well... we all were taught a lesson my whole family. Life is short, make the most of it. We never appreciated my mum and the things she did for us. Now that we had to do things for our-self we learned that any day any one can pass away any time, life is way to short to hold a grudge or too waste a life doing nothing.

This experience has changed my life for the better and it is all 1 big test. My mum is going to do radio therephy 4 weeks of it, then hormonal therapy and then a year of injections. Fingers crossed she will beat this battle of cancer

Update 4 years later - Hinna is now 17 year old

I never thought I would be back here writing this. I’m confused, I’m
scared, I’m hurting, I’m broken. I submitted a story 4 years ago about the ups and downs of the journey but the end result was my mum recovered from her cancer we all were a happy family again expect we took her for granted me being a stroppy teenager argued 80% of the time and just caused my mum stress and sometimes I think I’m the cause to her cancer? My siblings say it. Unfortunately her cancer has come back on the other breast and my mum needs to go through chemo and radio again. She was so upset but I could tell she was trying to keep a brave face on.

I love her so much and throughout all my life all I’ve ever done is cause her stress. What I want to know is thousands of pounds must be donated to cancer charities all around the world which gives financial capability to buy equipment to help see what is causing cancer and to cure it. Where else is the money going, why is cancer still a thing, why isn’t there a cure for it yet? I’m so angry at everyone, I’m angry at myself and at the docs, how is she going to get through it again like last time. It nearly broke her last time she’s only just mentally recovered from last time and now its back again…

Page updated 26 June 2018